exploration journal

How I decided to explore healing…

It’s been a while since I have written my last article ! So much has happened and it is hard for me to start writing. How to explain ? How to share ?
In a few words : unexpectedly – at least for me ! – my path is becoming very spiritual ! It seems that as I want to dig into coaching and empowerment, I go deeper and deeper into who we are as human beings and what matters to be truly happy.
And it all starts with me as an « experimenter » : who am I as a human being and what matters to me to be truly happy.
I had been attracted to Asia for a long time, and I did not really know why. Now I see a reason to it – maybe one among others : Asia is amazingly spiritual compared to the Western world.

So, here is what happened. 

When I was in Auroville (this utopian community in India), I felt so good that I realized that the Enchanted Farm was not really the right place for me – though it was an immensely enriching experience. Auroville was centered around spirituality, and many people there are very interested by personal development. I felt much more comfortable in this environment. I was much more in my « element ».
At the time, I observed that I was feeling this, and that’s it. « I feel much better here than at the Enchanted Farm. I have more energy, I am more excited, I am fascinated by what people do here and the way they think and build something different. I want to learn more, I want to come back soon and experiment more ! »
Then I travelled in Kerala with my family for Christmas, and then spent a few days in a bird sanctuary called Thattekad.

And I flew back to Manila.

I was supposed to continue working at the Enchanted Farm as a volunteer for one more month.
For the first time since I left Paris, I had a complicated flight from Kochi in India to Manila. First, the flying operator had given the wrong name to the flying company Air Asia. Instead of Julia, it was « Sigra ».
So I spent 2 hours running everywhere, having to prove my identity with other means than my passport, trying to contact the operator in France. I almost had to buy a new ticket. Really not nice. Finally, we found a solution with Air Asia. I travelled all along with the name Sigra on my boarding pass. I was afraid to stay stuck in Kuala Lumpur where I had a stopover – if they realized it was not the right name ! Finally, no one noticed.
And then, although I was feeling well when I left India, I had very strong pain in my ears because of the change of altitude when we landed for the stopover in Kuala Lumpur. My ears were like « blocked » for 2 hours and I could not hear well – really not convenient !
I had taken the plane several times since I started my journey, and it was the first time it was so complicated and painful !

I finally arrived in Manila. And my ears finally re-opened. 

I had decided to settle in a hostel in Makati (a nice neighborhood of Manila) for a few days before going back to the Enchanted Farm.
While I was thinking about coming back there, I felt that there was something wrong. I did not really want to go back. There was the Social Business Summit and I was not at all in this kind of energy.
I felt that I wanted to explore more about spirituality and personal development. I wanted to go on learning about that, experiment practices and approaches (like the shiatsu week-end I had participated to), meet experienced people that may guide me in this exploration.
Very quickly, I knew that I could not go back to the Farm to go on working for one month there. My body and soul were telling me that it was not the right place for me. I did not want to go. I could not. I felt that life was « calling me » elsewhere.
I had to assume responsibility for this decision : it was very hard for me to announce to Laurence – who I was working with – that I would not be coming back to work with her ! I had the feeling that I was not respecting the commitment I had towards her and that I was abandoning her. I had to deal with a strong feeling of guiltiness.
And in the same time, I knew it was the right thing to do. Because each of us is responsible for his/her own life, happiness and evolution.
We have a very good trust relationship with Laurence and I was really relieved by her generous and positive reaction. She told me that she understood and was happy for me that I was going ahead on my path. She told me that she was impatient to share with me about all I had discovered in India and update me about what she had experienced on her side. And I felt that she was not saying that just to be polite. She meant it.
We agreed that I would come back to the Farm after the Social Business Summit for a day or two.
I had gone through a very important step already.

I was lost. « What am I doing now » ? 

I knew I wanted to explore spirituality. But I had no idea about how I would be doing this !
I was in Manila. The only thing to do was to take a few days « off ».
I gave me time to let ideas come spontaneously.
I read books. I went to the Greenbelt Mall in Makati and wrote articles in the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf café – which somehow became my office – where they have magic cappuccino. I had a few skype conversations. I wrote long emails to share news with my family and friends. I bought color pens and a special notebook to draw – I still draw very badly but it is really nice to draw ! I went to the cinema and watched Star Wars for the first time of my life (I had tried once but gave up after 30 minutes). I met nice people in my hostel – among which an American guy, Ryan : we were both on the rooftop at 6 in the morning, and while I was doing yoga he was doing workout exercises before jogging in the neighborhood.
And during this decantation time, things appeared more clearly.
I decided to spend the days and maybe weeks to come to explore …healing.

Healing ?

I was reading Listen to your body, your best friend on Earth, by Lise Bourbeau, and Reconciliation : Healing the inner child by Thich Nhat Hanh. In Auroville, we had shared a lot about healing with my new friend Caroline.
I had also read The Power by Rhonda Byrne when I was in Kerala – an amazing book about the law of attraction and the power of love and gratitude to realize one’s objectives and create one’s happiness.

And it became really clear to me that healing is something fundamental that comes before coaching.

Let me explain the way I see things.
In our Western world, we are extremely conditioned by our society, education, work environment, peers, social pressure… So we may well desire for our life things that are dictated by our « conditioned » self – an image of ourselves which is probably very influenced by our ego, that has fears and limiting beliefs.
And if I build my life purpose and life objectives based on a wrong perception of who I am and what I want, how can I reach alignment and happiness ? I will struggle to reach my objectives. When people reach alignment, when they follow their heart and intuition, they go with the flow and everything is easy. There is fluidity in everything they do.
This is why I thought that healing is paramount and comes first.
Before building what I want, before setting intentions/objectives, before thinking about the path I will follow to create and manifest what I desire, I need to be clear about who I am and how I have been influenced and conditioned.
I need to understand what I have inherited from my ancestors and family history. I need to become aware of my limiting beliefs and fears. I need to unveil my essence, I need to explore what is my authentic self.
I need to « travel across the longest distance in the world : the distance between the mind and the heart. » – a quote I learnt during my Non Violent Communication training last year, thanks to Thomas d’Ansembourg.
In order to manifest what I need and desire, I need to develop awareness. I need to learn to accept myself totally (in the duality of lightness and darkness), to learn to love myself unconditionally – Lise Bourbeau speaks very well about this.
It is a long path, a path of conscience, evolution and transformation.
To sum it up, here is « my » definition of healing in the way I wished to explore it :
Healing is about becoming aware of the wounds inherited from our past and family history. Then it is about taking care of them thanks to unconditional acceptance, forgiveness and love of ourselves (Lise Bourbeau offers a great method for that).
And from that point, once we have started to become more aware, once we have started the healing process, we may start unveiling our right life purpose. We may then start expressing the right intentions. We may then use our creation power to build for ourselves a joyful life in which we are truly aligned.
So, little by little, I had become aware of all this. And naturally, I was eager to explore healing.
And guess what… ?

In the Philippines, there is a strong tradition of spiritual healing.

Many healers are in the region of Baguio, close to the Cordillera mountain.
I decided to go there as it seemed to me the right place to find a healer I could work with.
I took a bus from Manila.
When I arrived in Baguio, I bought a pullover and a scarf because it was very cold !
I was staying in the (very cheap and basic) YMCA hostel, and I was alone in a 20 people dorm. It was strange !
I spent time in the cafés of Baguio working on my laptop, gathered advice about Filipino healers, sent emails. I felt as if I was looking for the needle in the haystack (chercher l’aiguille dans la botte de foin). I did my part and trusted the universe to do the rest.
Well, I was really hoping something would happen…
In the meantime, I enjoyed this small student town. I walked in the park, around the lake, with all the Filipino people.
 I created habits and rituals (having coffee there…), which helps to feel a little « home ». I experienced a « mountain traditional massage » – in which the person giving the massage to me pulled my hair for 5 minutes ! So strange ! It was painful ! It reminded me when we were fighting with my sister, many many years ago… But well, I must say that I slept incredibly well that night ! 😉
On my last day, I met two traditional Cordillera artists, Art and Jordan, and spent a wonderful and unexpected day with them – I speak about this story in another article.

After a week, I left Baguio : I could join a 3 days healing retreat with Alex Orbito, who is a renowned Filipino healer.

I was so happy.
And this was just the beginning of a new, powerful adventure !
To be continued… 🙂