exploration journal

Spiritual (r)evolution !

One of my friend wrote to me recently :
« Where are you ? What are you up to ? Are you not writing anymore ? »
Well. I have been living ! And forgetting about writing. I wrote in my journal and it was enough.
It is true that I am late in writing on my blog. No worries : I have a lot to share.

I am in Cebu right now.

Cebu is a Filipino island. I am just passing by, to take a plane to Singapore.
I feel a bit sad this morning because tomorrow I am leaving the Philippines – I spent almost 3 months here.
I am writing that I feel sad but it is not exactly that. I feel a lot of mixed emotions. Sadness to leave this heartwarming country and its such joyful, welcoming and caring people. And I feel so grateful, densely happy about all the experiences I had here.
Since the beginning of my journey, I have observed that the transition times are the hardest ones. It is the time to leave a place, people. It is a moment when the present obviously becomes the past. It is the end of something unique. And I continue my journey towards the unknown.
It is a mourning process. I am learning to say goodbye, thank you, and get ready to welcome what’s next and fully experience the present moment.

I arrived in the Philippines last November.

I did not come to the Philippines to come to the Philippines. I was coming to work with an NGO, Gawad Kalinga (GK) and with a person in particular, Laurence. I came here because friends had told me about the GK Enchanted Farm. And an inspired « connector » had introduced me to Laurence.
Gawad Kalinga seemed to me the perfect social innovation laboratory, a hub where changemakers meet and share ideas, an amazing place where people create the world they want to live in.
I contributed a little. And I learnt a lot.
This special hub that attracted me could have been anywhere in the world. It was in the Philippines.
I was supposed to stay longer at the Enchanted Farm, but when I came back from my Christmas break in India I understood that I would not come back there – I explain this in my article «  How I decided to explore healing ».
I spent days in Manila, lost and wondering about what to do.
I had experienced a spiritual awakening in Auroville in India and had become interested in healing – Philippines is a country where there are many ancient spiritual traditions and healers. Healers work with plants, prayers. They work with the spiritual world.
I felt very curious about this. I felt attracted by this mysterious and not rational way of healing people. And I was… THERE, close to them.

At this very moment, I feel that it is the time to take a step back and bring you back with me at the very beginning of my project.

When I had the idea, that sleepless night, and when I presented my sabbatical year project to my management, my objective was to travel and explore, unlearn and relearn with mentors and peers, contribute to meaningful projects, meet people, step out of my comfort zone, do things I love – read, eat, spend time in nature, do yoga and meditation.
At the time, I wanted to experiment something different and grow differently, doing things that mattered, so that I could become a Human Ressource Manager that makes a difference.I had spent almost 5 years working in HR, really enjoying it, and I thought : « Now I want to contribute more. Differently. How can I make a difference ? Now I want to use my talent to have a positive impact on the world, doing things I love. »
(A slide from Lessons from my 20s by Ryan Allis)
I had been extremely helped in this maturation process because I was evolving in a very kind and empowering team and company. Our motto was : « Together we make the difference ». The values were « Team spirit and overachievement, being demanding and caring ». Our CEO embodied them. And most people walked the talk.

So I thought I wanted to become an HR manager that makes the difference.

My managers accepted to suspend my contract for 1 year.
And I started preparing my project – I had 9 months to find out what I would do.
I started meeting people. I really wondered about what I wanted to do. I spent hours imagining all I could do – day and night. I became crazy sometimes because there was so many possibilities and I felt unable to choose.
A wonderful coach I shared with told me that I was probably experiencing « Extatic burnout » !
Little by little, things became more clear.

This period of time is what I call « Le voyage avant le voyage. » « The journey before the journey. »

All the path I have travelled before even leaving.
thumb_2015-03-21, Stage CNV Assenois-1913-2_1024
(The last picture is from my friend Thierry who is – among others – a talented photographer)
I understood that my life purpose was to be a « potential activator ». An empowerer. I want to dedicate my professional time and energy helping people to connect to their inner power so that they can create and manifest the life they authentically want, listening to their intuition and heart.
I also understood that I was already doing this – I had been for years. « Tout est là » – « We have it all inside ».


And now, months later, I can say this reflection about what I will BE and DO matured through days of travelling, experiences, feeling, sharing.

I met masters and mentors – people (who were sometimes much younger than I am), books, articles, movies and videos, Nature.
I have been guided by precious people.
I went through a rainbow of feelings. Over the last 7 months, I felt alive, exhausted, connected, alone, happy, lost, overexcited, fragile, strong, bored, present, wise, childish, ecstatic, sad, joyful, stressed, powerful, small, dense, awkward, touched, selfish, generous, addicted (to sugar), lacking love, in love with life.
My body and mind and heart as a whole experienced this.
I learnt endlessly.
Accepting that I was passionate about « personal development », and that I would dedicate my life (or at least the next years) only to « empowerment » was not an easy step.
Because I was not respecting « the plan », the reasonable path, the classic comfortable way – working in a company in HR management.
Very rational and reassuring. But I understood that this model was not for me – not anymore.
I have spent days seeking for the way I would be happy. The way I would make myself happy.

I am the only person responsible for my happiness. 

Choosing this path, choosing to become an entrepreneur of my life, means accepting risks. It means working « independently », so it means accepting all the uncertainty that goes along. All the uncertainty that does not fits the models I had integrated and been familiar with. It means sacrificing a form of comfort.
Being far away from my country and the people I know, the society I belong to, helps me a lot to get to know my authentic self.
I am learning to care much less about what people think about me – I observe that it is really hard for me !
I learn to be detached – as Deepak Chopra expresses in Synchrodestiny : I am learning to accept myself unconditionally, to develop my inner strength and density so that I can create freely and counsciously the life I really want, without being influenced by either external praise or criticism. Even harder to do !
So I accepted that my professional life would be oriented towards personal development.

Unexpectedly, as I learned to surrender more, to let go more, my path led me even further.

I told you that I met Caroline in Auroville. Caroline has medium abilities and she unveiled to me a whole world that I ignored. Sharing with her, I became aware of the fact that I was very sensitive to this spiritual dimension of life.
(I love this !! In Siquijor Island in the Philippines)
I guess that it has always been here, inside, but that the world I had been living in had not allowed me to discover it.
I decided not to worry about the limiting beliefs I had and the fear of being judged :
« This is irrational », « This is not what life is about », « This is totally useless to spend time on this », « If you talk about it, people will think you have become a New-age crazy hippie « perchée » ».
I decided to follow my intuition and curiosity and explore more. Whatever people may think.

I decided that I could be a bridge-builder and connect very different spheres and environments.  

And now, I use courage to share it.
Because I also want to use my path to encourage people to dare being themselves and follow what really matters and makes them alive, whatever people around will think about it and say about it.
(In « The Quarter-Life Breakthrough » by Adam Smiley Poswolsky)
Who cares, if I it is the way I am happy ? It is totally stupid to prevent me from being happy and doing things that excite me, just because of expectations I imagine that people have about me, or because I am afraid of what people will think.

So my (perception of the) world has changed.  

I talked to people.
I read books.

I learnt about the universe and its laws.

Love, attraction, cause and effect, free will… I connected ideas I had explored earlier about quantum physics, energy and information. I understood the importance of frequency and vibration levels. I understood more about what it meant to be a human being on Planet Earth. I understood how powerful human consciousness is. I understood how much each one is responsible for one’s own life. Our essence is to be creators.
I guess that all this is becoming quite mystique for some of you and I won’t go further here ! But what I can tell is that from that I understood something very important, that changed my perception of life and therefore my behavior.
« Therefore, do not be anxious for tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care for itself. »
The Bible, Matthiew, 6:34 
To put it in a nutshell, I understood that in my exploration journey on Earth, as a Human being, I do not need :
  • to try to understand why I am here – because there is a plan that was set before incarnation at a higher spiritual level
  • to look everywhere for my calling and the best way to have impact (what I have tried to do for months) – I only need to listen to myself and be authentic and I will deploy my potential
  • to struggle so as to get the things I believe I need to be happy  – because I will get what I need if I learn to let go
All is already here inside – I had read this sentence many times but now I fully understand it (or I think I do).
It is just about letting go, connecting to myself and listening to my intuition, doing one’s part and trusting the universe to do the rest.
So it means something amazing : I can relax, and enjoy the present moment without worrying too much about the future. If I am faithful to my authentic self, I will manifest everything I need, meet the right people, go through the right experiences, and contribute to the world in the right way.
Now, I know that anywhere I am, whatever I choose to do, is the right place for me.
I learn to enjoy the path as much as the destination (and sometimes more !) and be trustful about the future.
This is so powerful. It gives me inner peace and I feel very joyful.
I am using « I » because I can only speak about my own experience. But anyone may also choose to develop this understanding of the laws of the universe and find fluidity in the fulfillment of the self and realization of one’s potential. It is offered, it is available, it is a matter of awareness, and setting intentions.

Then I went through a transforming experience at Pyramid of Asia and then Pyramid of Light – still in the Philippines.

I experienced healing sessions with Reverend Alex Orbito, an extraordinary man who brings so much love and light around him.
I participated to a spiritual retreat on energy and chakras. I saw Filipino mediums in transe sharing messages from Catholic tradition spirits – Alex Orbito’s religious tradition being Esoteric Catholicism. I received messages from spirits (!?) – yes… I saw healers channeling energy, loosing all control of their body and just being shaken by the energy of invisible entities. I felt the presence of these energies.
It made me a little afraid sometimes, but I was with French seasoned healers who shared their knowledge with me and allowed me to understand better what was happening.
And sharing with the healers, I learnt about life. I learnt about the importance of psycho-genealogy and how it matters to know well one’s roots and ancestors’ history so as to grow in a balanced and conscious way. I became aware of the importance of nutrition in all its dimensions – further beyond what I already knew. I also discovered the importance of perinatality : how the parents’ mindset, consciousness and project around having a child matters (I’ll explore this later).
I connected to the sacred dimension of life.

Naturally, it took me some time to integrate this experience.

I decided to travel up North, in the mountain, and give time and space for this inner revolution to decant. I went to Sagada.
And I was back to normal life !
I struggled to have a sit in a bus, travelled for hours looking at the landscape and day-dreaming or listening to music. I arrived late at night in a horrible dirty guesthouse – there was a big town festival so many hotels were full. I changed guesthouse the next morning, after having a heart-warming breakfast on a sunny terrace in front of the mountains.
I went for a horse ride in the mountain, walked in the wild nature with a 16 years old Filipino guide who looked 12. I saw vertiginous landscapes.
I met 3 Filipino punchy and fun young ladies and we decided to spend a day together. We woke up very early to watch the sunset on Mount Kiltepan, had breakfast in an orange plantation, walked for hours in rice fields under a pitiless sunshine, swam in the chilly water of beautiful waterfalls…
T R A V E L L I N G.

And finally, I was feeling strong enough to go ahead in my journey, alone, with no plan at all.

Travelling, only.
Oh, actually, there still was a kind of plan :
Just be here, spend time in Nature and marvel at its amazing beauty. Have NO objective. Connect with my body and emotions. Meet people. Feel free and light. Live in the heart.
I had needed 5 months to reach that step.
And little by little, I started to acknowledge and accept that there was a new dimension in my life purpose : to contribute to the rise of spiritual awareness in human beings. I know now that I will use my spiritual vision of the world in the way I will work as an « empowerer ». I feel that there is a kind of spiritual warrior within me. A spiritual warrior that wishes to operate with humility, inner strength, and a lot of softness and joy.

2 réflexions au sujet de « Spiritual (r)evolution ! »

  1. Pfuuu… Quel chemin extraordinaire tu fais, tout au long de cette année exceptionnelle. Tu parcoures le monde et cela te conduit parallèlement au centre de toi-même. Tu expérimentes, tu rencontres, tu vas vers l’autre et vers toi-même, tu prends le risque de sortir de ta zone de confort, et tu en récoltes des leçons de vie profondes. Je suis épaté et admiratif. Woaouh !

  2. Enfin je me connecte à ton site et découvre ton aventure spirituelle auprès des guérisseurs philippins. Tres touchée , émue par tes expériences qui t amènent aux mêmes évidences que j ai Réalisées au cours de ma vie. Quel voyage intérieur en si peu de temps!!!. Je suis tellement contente d entendre un écho à ma vision spirituelle du monde !

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